For basically my whole life, I’ve been told that my character should be what’s on display to a guy, not my physical looks. I think it’s a great philosophy, and in general, I try to live by it: what I want a guy to know about me is what I present to him.
I’ve been pretty content to live this way, but a few weeks ago I had a conversation with a Christian guy friend that deeply discouraged me. (Lest anyone reading think my discouragement is for personal reasons, I have to say right off the bat, I have no romantic interest in this guy. I’ve known him my whole life and you could say we have a sister-brother relationship).
We were talking about a girl he’s interested in.
Me: What is her relationship with God like?
Guy: Doesn’t matter what her relationship with God is like. It matters what her relationship with me is like.
Me: Um. If her relationship with God isn’t right, her relationship with you isn’t going to be right either.
Guy: That’s not true.
Me: It’s absolutely true.
I was so disappointed to see and hear this guy friend blatantly disregard what is most important to God about a woman: her relationship with Him. It wasn’t even a deciding factor.
Ouch. Ouch. Ouch.
And here I was thinking (and hoping, and wishing, and praying) that at least Christian guys actually value my relationship with God and character. And I caught myself wondering, What’s the point? The point is that even if no other person on the planet has any respect for my relationship with God or my character, God still values it. He’s the Only One who matters. I live my life to honor and please Him, not to get a boyfriend.
A few days after the afore-mentioned conversation, another friend remarked how sad it was that a lot of Christian young men are ending up in broken marriages. The undercurrent of the conversation was that it was the young women in these marriages bringing these guys down.
Yes. It is sad. It is sad that a lot of our Christian young men have choices to date and marry women who have their priorities straight before God, but will still choose a girl who is not living for the Lord, or who is lukewarm in her relationship with God. It is sad that while the Bible warns against such relationships for practical reasons (unequal yoking), many Christian young men pursue them anyways.
But you know what that says to me about a guy pursuing such a woman? His own priorities are not straight before God.
And that is between that man and the Lord. It is not because a young woman is not where she is supposed to be that a young man falls away, but because that young man is not where he is supposed to be.
This is so frustrating to me. On so many levels. Not because I’ve personally experienced a shortage of godly guys interested in me, but because I’m seeing so many friends go down this road of choosing to date and marry people who are not living for the Lord. And when that relationship and marriage get to breaking point, it’s the other person’s fault for bringing them down.