“How lonely sits the city that was full of people! How like a widow is she, who was great among the nations! The princess among the provinces has become a slave! She weeps bitterly in the night, her tears are on her cheeks; among all her lovers she has none to comfort her. All her friends have dealt treacherously with her; they have become her enemies. [She] has gone into captivity, under affliction and hard servitude; she finds no rest; all her persecutors overtake her in dire straits … Her uncleanness is in her skirts; she did not consider her destiny; therefore her collapse was awesome; she had no comforter … The adversary has spread his hand over all her pleasant things; for she has seen the nations enter her sanctuary, those whom You commanded not to enter Your sanctuary…
“Is it nothing to you, all you who pass by? Behold and see if there is any sorrow like my sorrow, which has been brought on me, which the LORD has inflicted in the day of His fierce anger … For these things I weep; my eye, my eye overflows with water; because the comforter, who should restore my life, is far from me. My children are desolate because the enemy prevailed.”
~Lamentations 1:1-3, 9a, 10, 12, 16
Over the past few months, I’ve been reminded of and tested in some things I’ve already learned.
Reminders about nothing being more grievous than watching a loved one self-destruct. Reminders about nothing being more distressing than not being able to do anything about it. Reminders about rejection, and the painful questions of self-worth that come with it. Reminders about persevering in some things and letting other things go.
I am re-learning through grief to seek and abide in God’s comfort. He truly is the “Father of mercies and God of all comfort” (2 Corinthians 1:3). I know He understands my grieving heart.
I am re-learning through losing control (or losing what I think is control) to rest in God’s sovereignty. There is nothing about the past few months that has escaped God’s notice or control. He has a plan and purpose in all of it.
I am re-learning my worth, independent of the approval and acceptance of others. God delights in me. He is excited about me. I am His masterpiece in Christ.
I am re-learning to evaluate my relationships, and grow away from the ones that cause me harm spiritually, emotionally, and physically. I grow with the ones that sharpen me spiritually, emotionally, and physically.
But I am still very much in the middle of everything, so there are more lessons to be learned, I am certain. (Probably more accurately, at the beginning, but who really knows?)
“This I recall to my mind, therefore I have hope. Through the LORD’s mercies we are not consumed, because His compassions fail not. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness.”