Vulnerability

It’s not about protecting yourself, your feelings, your emotions, your pride.

It’s about saying, “This is who I am, this is what I do,” knowing some people will not accept it, and will not accept you as a result.

I used to have a different blog when I was in college (and a few months following graduation).  A more honest, open blog about who I am and what I struggle with.  It wasn’t widely-read, but I didn’t write it to be read.  I got rid of that blog. I then authored a few ministry blogs and started another personal blog, which didn’t end up being very personal, so I got rid of it too.  I got the distinct impression from certain people that I was being harshly judged for my vulnerability.  Then I had an idea to start an anonymous blog, which would also be personal.  It was several months before I ever shared anything I wrote here on Facebook, but I had quite a following here on WordPress.

Here’s the thing: if I’m not being open and honest, vulnerable in my writing,  I’m not being vulnerable anywhere else in my life, either.

When I was doing my personal revisions to the Field, I had a chapter that wasn’t gelling.  After a lot of consideration, I realized I wasn’t being true to the character, and how she would really react to her circumstances.  I got honest about it.

I have to do the same thing in other areas: sometimes, I discover things are not gelling in my life, and as I seek God’s heart about it, I realize I’m not being vulnerable.  Somehow, somewhere this persona has developed of who I want to be, not who I am, and it causes me problems, because I know, when nobody else does.

This is why I am vulnerable.  While my openness and honesty is a joke to some people, I have found most people appreciate it.  I am not a city broken down or without walls, like the uncontrolled person of Proverbs 25.  Yes, I can and do get hurt pretty easily, being this way.  But I’ve chosen to trust people with myself anyway.

Because it’s not about protecting me.

 

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One thought on “Vulnerability

  1. […] the day of small things (and not to despise it), waiting, and hope.  I found a balance between vulnerability and privacy.  I set healthy boundaries. I confronted personal demons. Perhaps, most […]

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