I’m tired today. I’ve been tired for a few weeks now.
Waiting on God is exhausting. Clinging to the Still Small Voice, to the vision He gave me for my life, even when nothing seems to be coming together. Being here, and also making plans (as much as God puts in my hands) to be there. Wondering if anything is ever going to happen. No, not if, but when. How? How am I going to make it through days, maybe weeks, maybe months, maybe years of not knowing when? Of just being expected to wait on Him and rest in the fact that He’s got it all under control?
It is by faith, I am reminded. It is knowing beyond a shadow of any doubt that He wants me there eventually (hence the vision), and the understanding that I am here and He is doing something with me here for now. It is by the conviction in what I hope for, the assurance of something I cannot see.
It’s why I take the steps I’ve taken: looking for jobs in Seattle, packing things I don’t need now (what my younger brother dubbed as “faith-packing”). It’s why I’ve said “no” to certain things here.
It’s also why I have no sense of urgency. I’m not worried about the cost of living there, I’m not worried about the cost of moving there, I’m not even worried about all of the stuff I still need to start a home there. God has called me there, and He will make a way in His time.
It’s why I can be here now, living fully, because it’s clearly not His time yet. It is why I can continue building relationships and ministering and seeking job opportunities here, because I know in His time, He will make it clear to me.
It is by faith. As it was Noah and Abraham and Sarah and Moses, so it is with me!