Tag Archives: Dreams

Last Night’s Dream

In the dream, I’m hiking a path I’ve hiked many times before, but I’m tired and it’s harder this time. A woman is hiking the same path several yards ahead of me, and she doesn’t seem to be having any trouble. The path gets narrower, and more overgrown, but I was expecting that. Suddenly, up ahead, there are trees cut down in the path, that have never been there before. Not particularly massive trees, but large enough to present formidable obstacles. I was not expecting that. Without making a conscious (or unconscious, since this is a dream) decision to be so, I’m on my hands and knees, knowing I’m pretty much defenseless against any force of nature that decides to take me on. I crawl towards the trees laying across the path. The woman ahead of me strides over them, head held high, and I wonder how she’s doing it, because by the time I reach them, I’m almost entirely flat on my stomach, doing an army crawl. As I pull myself up over the first tree in a sort of roll, I look up and there’s this balcony of sorts in the trees, and people are watching. They’re all telling me how much easier it would be if I was on my feet, like the woman who went through before me; and I know that, but no matter how hard I try, I can’t get back on my feet. And a little voice says, “You’ve just got to keep crawling.” I find I can do that, so that’s what I do. I pull and roll and army crawl over those trees in the path until eventually it’s just foliage again. The woman who was ahead of me is out of sight now, as is the balcony and the people in it. It’s just me and the path. I crawl on until I’m almost to the end of the path, and then, as suddenly as I was on my hands and knees, I find the strength to pull myself up and walk. I’m not particularly graceful, but I’m on my feet again, and I finish on my feet, but somehow … Somehow, I know if I had finished crawling, it would have been fine. I would have finished. But now I know that even with where I am on the path right now, I get back on my feet further down the line.

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Last night I met with a friend to pray over the phone.

My heart is always heavy these days, with my mom and niece and just all of the heartache in our world. My mind is occupied with so many different things. When I’m awake, I’m living it, and when I’m asleep, it seeps into my dreams.

My friend knows what’s going on in my life, but I didn’t say a word about the dreams. Most of them have taken place in the farmhouse where I spent a good portion of my childhood and highlight old anxieties and tensions that took place there. On Monday night, I had an absolutely heartbreaking dream about my niece. (Which, oddly oddly enough, also took place in the farmhouse.) There has been no relief. And even my body feels heavier and heavier and heavier.

So last night, during our prayer time, without me saying a word, my friend starts praying for my sleep and for my dreams. As I told her this morning, that was a total God thing.

So last night, I had a dream. It was similar to the wilderness dreams I had a little over three years ago, but not quite the same. This time we (a large group of people – some of whom I know, some of whom are unfamiliar but I knew them in the dream) were in this kind of rustic-looking kitchen instead of in a mountain park, and I kept saying how the kitchen had potential for ministry purposes. Then we went outside and hung out around a campfire. It was peaceful and beautiful. Again, total God thing.

I woke up knowing it’s not time for that dream yet, but … the time will come. Right now, I’m still being cultivated and grown into it. The cultivation, the growing – it’s dark, and it’s heavy, but … it’s not so dark and it’s not so heavy that I won’t get through it.

So deeply thankful…

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Without Being Told

Sometimes, I know without being told, or at least, without being explicitly told. Often the telling comes as a whisper or a tug in my stomach. It comes as a dream, a vision, a sign, but it comes without being told by other people.

Some lessen it to mere intuition, others say it’s not real at all. A lot of times, even when I’m describing it, I’ll say, “I just know.” But that’s not fair, because I don’t just know. It’s a gift, this vision, this hearing, this understanding. It doesn’t come from within me, or because of me. It’s from Him, because of Him. And I lessen it, and allow you to lessen it, by saying it’s something else. In fact, sometimes we block it out all together, because it’s easiest not to deal with it at all.

It’s called prophecy. And I know, I just made all of the cessationists upset, but really, it’s not my job to change your mind, just to allow my mind to be changed by the Spirit of God.  I decided to embrace this complex gift in March, when presented with evidence that I’d been given it, instead of making it something it wasn’t, as I’d done for years. And it continues to be confirmed, again and again.

Am I always right? No, I’m a human being, so I’m still susceptible to human mistakes. Do you know anyone with the spiritual gift of mercy who practices it perfectly? Of course not! And yet, people put a apply a higher standard of perfection on the gift of prophecy.  All I can say for myself, as I learn to properly exercise this gift, is that I am still learning to surrender to and rely on the Holy Spirit, so mistakes will be made. But I’m not going to say I don’t have it or just leave it dormant, neglecting what God wants to do with me through it. That would be one of the biggest mistakes I could possibly make.

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