I don’t think I’ve ever changed my mind so much as I did this morning. I’m pretty sure my brain is fried.
Here’s the story.
About a year-and-a-half ago, I began asking God to open a very specific door for me. After a few months, the door opened, and I was poised to walk through it. The week the door opened, I had a dream that I really believe was a vision from God for my life. One morning, I was reflecting about this door and this vision, and God told me, “You can have this if you really want it, but I have better for you if you just wait for Me.” I made a choice to trust God that morning, and little by little the vision for what God wants for me has become sharper and sharper.
Doors upon doors have been closed for me. This week, though, I was faced with yet another open door. A door that made perfect sense, except as I prayed about it, I had no peace about walking through it. I felt like God was saying, “This isn’t it. Keep walking.”
And that’s what I had every intention of doing. I got to where I was going this morning and I found myself reasoning, “Well, it’s not like this is a bad opportunity.”
Then I’d come back with, “It is if it keeps me from what God wants for me.”
“How can God not want this for me?”
It would be easier than more waiting, more walking. The feeling that it’s not quite right is easy enough to bury given enough busy-ness or the justification that it’s a good thing. I mean, technically, since God is prompting me to say now, it’s sin, but it’s … a good thing.
But I can’t do it. I have to keep going just to see what God has in store, because I can’t see two feet in front of me right now. I have to believe He has told me “no” for a good reason, just like He did thirteen months ago. So I’m going to keep walking and remain open for whatever God has in store for me, even if it’s just more of what I’m doing right now. He’ll bring that vision about if and when He wants.
I just have to trust and obey. And remain open for the right opportunities.
And write a bajillion more blogs about waiting and waiting on God and transience and interim seasons and endurance and patience and faith and obedience and things that don’t make sense and all that good stuff God is teaching me through this.